What if?
“What if the bus driver forgets her route? What if she decides not to stop to pick up my daughter? What if they did not do a background check and the driver is a serial child abductor?”
As that last question came out of my mouth, my friend started laughing. Not a quiet, polite giggle but an all-out, “wet yourself” laughing fit. After several minutes she finally could breathe again and asked, “Really, Jennifer?”
How is ‘my first child riding the bus across a military base to school without me to protect her’ a laughing matter?
She continued, “Didn’t you just teach us about trusting God with everything over the summer?”
“Yes, everything but not my child…”
As the words came out, I realized how hypocritical I was. I was willing to trust God with my day-to-day needs, even my life, but I wasn’t willing to trust the God of creation, the one who knit my daughter together in my womb, with her being out of my sight.
God wants us to trust Him. In the trials, in the good times, in the darkness, and in the light. He wants me to trust Him with my marriage, my husband, who was at that time training to deploy, my house, and my family, including my five-year-old daughter. But wait, God… Didn’t You listen? I need to protect and care for her and ensure she is always safe.
After all these years, this trust issue causes me to stumble in my relationship with God. My kids are now adults, but… But they need me. I need to protect them, help them, and care for them. Did you see that change?
It started with “they need me,” then it quickly changed to “I need them.” Parenting never ends, but our relationship with our children must change. They get to make their own decisions, the good, the bad, and the really bad.
Two of my three are across the country from me. I can’t be there instantly when they fall, their cars break down, or they get the flu. Yet that is my heart’s desire. So, to my knees, I go. Every day, sometimes every hour, to lift them up to their Heavenly Father, who loves them more than I ever can. His love is eternal, unconditional, deeper, richer, and stronger than I can imagine.
They may meet a mean bus driver or crazy drivers on the highways. They may encounter people who manipulate them, steal from them, or lie to them. They may get sick or have to move when their landlord sells their apartment. Yet God, as only He can be, is with them every single second of each day. Sometimes they will claim they did everything on their own, but other times they will acknowledge how God intervened. In the latter, my heart rejoices with their recognition of His power, presence, and protection in their lives.
As I look back on those days of the “psycho bus driver” taking my daughter, I can now laugh. I still worry, but the more I pray and trust God, the easier it becomes. I am constantly reminded to trust God. What do you need to give to God and trust Him to handle?
